I just had a hell of an epiphany while writing that last post. Here’s the thing; I spend an inordinate amount of time pondering shit that means absolutely nothing in reality. Things that, truthfully I wish I could erase from my mind. I’d give just about anything to go back to the way I used to ponder things. Maybe the answers became too simple or perhaps they got tangled into one another, creating a web of incomprehensible bullshit that I can’t even begin to find an end to. Either way, I’m numb to the profound and I’m dead to the superficial.
I had just realized however that I can go back to my old way of thinking. I’ve been so stuck on mindfulness and non-bias observation for such a long time that I often forget that I have to take action for life to happen. I sit idly as I watch the world pass by and I just observe it and make bland criticisms (which isn’t truly mindfulness anyway) about how dull life really is and I find myself trying to explain this way of thinking (you may have noticed this in past posts of mine) but I now realize that what I am doing… Is trying to bring everyone into my dark, cynical, bland corner of existence.
For that, I must apologize. I am no philosophy expert, I am simply the embodiment of “misery loves company.” I am sorry.
Walking around without the ability to see life in color is on par with purgatory. It’s ironic too, considering my pen name (Death In Technicolor, hehe) I need to be more mindful, not of the obscurities in existence, but in the vibrant beauty that can be found in the superficial. It’s ok to feel the warmth, and smell the flowers, and be cute and corny. It’s ok to go on walks and dates and feel alive.
I spend so much time thinking about the things we do as humans that I forget to just let those things occur. I expend effort NOT letting myself lose sight of our inherent insignificance as humans. I remind myself (and others) often that we are just specks of dust on a speck of dust… It starts to get to you, ya know?…
I need to start living my life again, instead of finding excuses not to, while telling everyone else how they should be as miserable as I am because I look at the world in a grim way. It’s time to evolve 🙂
Thank you, WordPress for allowing me the opportunity to learn about myself more and more! I have a feeling this post will be a dividing line between a darker version and a more “teknicolr” version.